


"When I Look At You"

by iknowanicegirl, nicapark (iknowanicegirl)



Category: GOT7
Genre: Angst, M/M, Markjin, Romance, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-18
Packaged: 2021-03-07 17:22:47
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,613
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26511352
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iknowanicegirl/pseuds/iknowanicegirl, https://archiveofourown.org/users/iknowanicegirl/pseuds/nicapark
Summary: After being blind for two years, Mark finally had a cornea transplant. And the very first person he saw when he opened his eyes was Jinyoung, who just wanted to see who the recipient of his husband’s cornea was.
Relationships: Park Jinyoung/Mark Tuan
Kudos: 48
Collections: Spring Blooms: MarkJin Fic Fest 2020





	"When I Look At You"

**Author's Note:**

> this is a work of fiction and only a product of my imagination. It has been a while since I last tried to write so, this story means a lot to me. It guides me back to where I was, in love with writing. Please do enjoy what I have to offer :)

**_I_ **

**_Mark_** can’t explain how he’s feeling right at this exact moment. He is aware that his mom and dad are inside the room with him, as well as his friends. But not one of them is making any noise.

“How are you Mark?” Even just by his voice, he’s certain that it’s Dr. Im who is asking him right now. He even felt a soft tap on his shoulder as the doctor asked him again. “Are you excited?”

_Am I?_ Mark wonders.

Is excitement the perfect word to explain how he is feeling? It has just been so long since the last time he saw light. Since that accident two years ago, he has made himself used to living in the dark. It was beyond difficult at first. But as time went by, he eventually got used to it. He even managed to stop himself from hoping that he’ll see again someday.

But now…

“I’m going to remove the bandage carefully, alright? Tell me if you feel any discomfort.”

Hearing those from Dr. Im only heightened what he’s already feeling. There’s excitement. But there’s also a lot of other emotions coming along with it.

With his hands clenched into fists, Mark nodded. As Dr. Im removed the bandage, Mark counted these moments.

_One…_ his last glance at the traffic light, before stepping on the gas and driving straight ahead past the intersection.

_Two…_ the light coming from the other car honking as it speeds towards his direction, not giving him enough time to brace himself for the impact.

_Three…_ when he opened his eyes once again, yet, there was nothing but darkness which welcomed him.

Mark could still recall and very much feel the fear which consumed him when he realized that he has gone blind, and how his heart sank when faced with the news that there’s a possibility that he’ll never see again. He was just about to start a new chapter in his life after graduating. He was beyond excited to finally live his life behind the lens, just as how he had always dreamt of. How cruel is it that he had to give up his passion just because of that tragedy?

Mark clenched his hands tighter, until he heard a soft voice. “It’s going to be okay.”

He wasn’t able to recognize this voice. In fact, it seemed like it was the first time that he heard it but surprisingly, hearing those words with that unfamiliar voice was enough to calm his worries.

Yet, his question still remains. _Who is he?_

But before he could figure it out, Dr. Im had already finished taking the bandage off. Even with his eyes closed, having the bandage taken off made a difference. It seemed less dark.

There was another tap on his shoulder before he heard Dr. Im’s voice. “Open your eyes when you’re ready.”

It took Mark a few deep breaths before he was able to do what he’s been told. He creased his brows as his eyes squinted. He still feels scared; scared of seeing nothing but darkness again, scared of having that sinking feeling in his heart again. But the desire and longing that he feels outweigh the fear that he has. So, with one final take of deep breath, he finally opened his eyes.

What came into his sight first is a pair of dark-brown eyes staring back at him. Those thick brows were slightly creased at the center, matching the concerned look he’s holding in those orbs. A few seconds had to pass before Mark realized that he doesn’t recognize the man he’s staring at. _But why is he here?_

“Son.”

Hearing his mom’s voice calling him dearly, got his attention from the stranger. His mom was crying but he could see how happy that smile she’s wearing is. He missed seeing his mom’s face, and his dad who is also tearing up quietly beside his mom.

Mark slowly reached his hand out for his mom to take. “Mom…” his voice was almost shaking and his throat felt raspy. He was having a hard time forming words because it felt like his sobs will come out even quicker. He felt the side of his eyes burning as they started to brim with tears.

“My son…” What he felt next was the arms of her mother, wrapping around the whole of his back, pulling him into a warm hug. The sleeves of his hospital gown felt wet because of his mom’s tears. Her shoulders shook as she whispered. “Thank God. I’m so happy, Mark. I’m very happy.”

Mark returned the hug, holding his mom in his arms even tighter as he buried his face in her shoulder. His mom kept on stroking his back, as if willing him to cry some more for his tears are not because of sadness. Instead, they’re because of absolute happiness. There was a soft tap on his shoulder which was followed by a gentle squeeze. When Mark looked up, his dad was looking at him through tearful eyes too. His dad didn’t say a word, but his smile and nod were enough to tell Mark how happy he felt. He then used his left hand to squeeze his dad’s hand which was still resting on his shoulder.

After a while, his mom lets go of him, allowing Mark to see the guy again. This time, he was a bit further away from where he was initially standing. Those eyes were still directed at him, but it seemed like they looked less worried and more relieved and… _happy_. For a slight moment, Mark swore there was a smile drawing on the stranger’s lips.

But then a different face blocked his view.

“Mark!!!” Jackson, his best friend, was almost shouting while ugly crying. “Can you see us now? Can you see me now?”

Mark couldn’t see anything else but Jackson’s face, since the Chinese felt the need to shove his face right into his for some reason. Wiping his tears, Mark nodded. “Yes, I can.” Curling his lips up, he answered. “I can see that you’re still ugly.”

His response made Jackson pout and whine like a kid, but made his other friends Yugyeom and Bambam laugh.

“We’re happy for you, hyung.” Yugyeom said.

Bambam then tapped his hand. “Really happy.”

\-----------

“So, how are you feeling?”

Dr. Im asked him this as he sat on the chair beside his office desk. Mark blinked his eyes a few times at the doctor.

“I asked how you are. Why are you blinking so rapidly?”

Mark stopped before he answered. “I just want to show you that my eyes are working just fine and I could still very much see everything now.”

He said that with a smile which made the doctor smile in response, too. “I'm glad that they are.”

It’s been two weeks since the bandage was taken off; two weeks since Mark regained his sight again, thanks to his donor. Since he got discharged from the hospital, Mark has been going to the hospital every day for consultation, as told by Dr. Im.

As usual, Dr. Im asked him how his day went and if there was any complication with his eyes. Along the talk, Mark also mentioned that he was trying to take photographs again which was the one thing he loved doing so much. If the accident hadn’t happened then, he would’ve started looking for a job and would probably be a professional photographer now. But as his friends told him… _It’s never too late to start._ Dr. Im expressed his support by telling him that he believes in him and what he can do.

It was before the consultation ended when Mark finally had the chance to ask about it. About the guy who he first saw when he opened his eyes that day. That was the first and last time he saw the raven-haired guy. During his consultations and everytime he went to the hospital, never had he seen the guy again. Thinking the guy was some sort of an assistant to Dr. Im, Mark figured he could ask the doctor who he is. But he didn’t expect what Dr. Im told him.

“You didn’t know? The guy you’re asking me about, he’s Park Jinyoung.” Mark’s mind repeated the name unconsciously. “His husband was the one who owned those corneas which were donated to you.”

Mark didn’t expect that answer. Yes, he was aware of who his donor was- Park Seo-joon. He knows that the man died because of an accident. But Mark didn’t know that he was married. And Mark also didn’t know that he just met him- his donor’s husband. If he had known, he would’ve thanked him the moment when he first saw him.

But like he said, that day when he opened his eyes again, that was the first and last time he got to see him, _Park Jinyoung_.

Dr. Im asked why he was asking and Mark said he just wanted to thank him. The doctor then said that Park Jinyoung is a close friend of his and that he can pass his message to the guy one of these days.

From then on, Mark decided to stop wondering about him.

****

****

**_II_ **

Mark gave his reflection in the mirror one last glance, making sure that he’s dressed appropriately for the place he was planning to go to.

It concerns his job as a magazine photographer of _Seoul at a Glance_ \- a lifestyle magazine he has been working with for the past year. This month’s theme is about how art, be it modern or traditional, is depicted in the lifestyle of people living in Seoul. Jackson, who happens to have dated this girl who works as a curator has mentioned about an art exhibit at Dongdaemun. Jackson broke up with the said girl only yesterday, but his bestfriend was able to give him the address where the exhibit will take place. And tonight, that is where Mark was heading.

Just as he closed his unit’s door, Mark heard his phone ringing. Checking, he read Jackson’s name on the screen. He answered on the second ring.

“Hey man, I’m already on my way there. Where are you?”

Mark fished his keys from his coat’s pocket as he made his way downstairs to the parking lot. “I’m just about to drive. I’ll be there in ten minutes, I think.”

“You’re such a slow poke.” Mark chose to ignore that remark. Jackson hissed and he could imagine how the Chinese is rolling his eyes right now. “I’ll wait right at the corner near the studio. Meet me there.”

Putting his seatbelt on, Mark scoffed at him. “If only you didn’t cheat on that curator chick, you wouldn’t be this anxious about the possibility of seeing her again.”

“Yah! I told you, I didn’t cheat.” Jackson defended himself. “I already told her I want out, but she didn’t take me seriously until she saw me with Sonia.”

“Whatever, Jackson.” Mark dismissed him. “I’ll just see you in a bit.” And he ended the call.

\-----------

“I think it would take me a lifetime to understand art.”

Jackson told him this while they were walking around the studio where the exhibit was being held. They were taking a look at each portrait hung on the wall and other panels which were placed all around the small area. Mark was doing his job, and that is to take sufficient photos of each painting at the exhibit. But his bestfriend, who he isn’t sure why is still here with him, thought of doing something else. And that is to blabber this kind of nonsense.

Mark just hushed him, hoping he’d stay quiet and let him do his job peacefully. He’d very much like to kick Jackson out of the studio and tell him to head home but he doubts his bestfriend would even listen.

“I’m just saying.” Jackson just wouldn’t stop, would he? The guy pointed at the portraits on the wall in front of them. “Who even makes a bunch of paintings of just eyes and only eyes? What is this, even?!”

Mark nudged the Chinese’s rib with his elbow. It was a slight nudge ~~_(in his judgment)_~~ but Jackson reacted too much.

“What the fuck was that for? Is it necessary to injure me, huh Mark?”

He just gave his bestfriend a side eye and snapped another photo of the next portrait. “You’re being too loud. And disrespectful.” He added, turning to face Jackson again. “If the artist heard you saying what you just said, don’t you think he’d be offended in some way?”

Jackson looked like he still had something to say, but somewhere in the middle, maybe decided to just keep it to himself. Mark then focused back on his task. He was just about to take another picture when Jackson spoke.

“Alright, I will keep my mouth shut. I’ll respect whatever Mr. Park Jinyoung-ssi’s vision or inspiration is behind these artworks of his.”

Mark halts upon hearing this. His mind repeated the name he heard Jackson mentioning, _Park Jinyoung_. He turned and faced the Chinese. “Park Jinyoung?” He echoed. “Did you say Park Jinyoung?”

Jackson looked confused but still he nodded. “Yes, I did. Isn’t he the artist who painted all these portraits? I saw his name in the pamphlet I took from the front desk. Did I get it wrong? It’s written here.”

He then saw Jackson taking out the pamphlet from inside his coat, opening it to see the name he claimed to have seen just a while ago. “I got it right, though. Look here.” Jackson showed the pamphlet to him and there he saw it, the artist’s name. “Park Jinyoung. Wasn’t I right?”

Jackson wasn’t wrong. But Mark wondered if they’re pertaining to the same person. Is the artist who is behind these artworks he’s looking at, the same raven-haired guy he saw back when he regained his sight again? Mark could still remember those dark brown eyes and how concern was reflected in them as he stared at him that day. He could still remember how a small but genuine smile drew on those lips as the guy watched him with his mom, his dad, and his friends. _“That guy you’re asking me about, he’s Park Jinyoung. His husband was the one who owned those corneas which were donated to you.”_ He could still recall Dr. Im’s words when he asked about him. He would never forget his name. But are they the same person?

“Are you okay up there, Mark?” Jackson’s words finally reached his ears. The Chinese was looking at him curiously and Mark knew he shouldn’t have let his mind drift off like that when he’s with someone.

Mark nods. “I just… the name sounded familiar.”

“Familiar?” Jackson repeated. “Have you covered his works in the past?”

“No.”

“So, why is he familiar? You saw the guy before?”

Mark wanted to say yes, but he wasn’t sure just yet, was he? So, instead, he just shook his head. “Maybe I’ve heard his name before.” Jackson only shrugged at what he said. “Anyway… do you know if we can meet him?”

“Do you need to?”

“Uhm… yes. I think I do.” Mark responded, trying not to sound fishy or something. “I thought I could get a picture of him. It’ll be better if I do, so we can include him in the article.”

“You’ll interview him?”

“Not necessarily. But if I can ask him a few questions, then-”

“I think that’s him.” Jackson said, pointing at someone behind him.

When Mark turned, he saw a guy standing next to the centerpiece, with a few other photographers taking pictures of him. Mark recognized him instantly. It’s him, the same raven-haired guy he saw at the hospital. _Park Jinyoung_. He saw him smiling at the cameras, saying _thank you_ to the guests once in a while. He still looked just like how he remembered him.

“Yah.” He felt a nudge on his arm which he’s sure is from Jackson. The Chinese is pointing his lips towards the crowd where Park Jinyoung was standing in the middle of. “I thought you said you wanted to meet him?”

That brought Mark back to his senses. He approached the small crowd and made his way closer to where Park Jinyoung is. For a second, Mark forgot what he was planning to do initially, until Jackson gave him another nudge on his arm, reminding him of his task. He looked through the lens and snapped a few pictures of the raven-haired. By the last shot, it was as if Park Jinyoung saw him and had his eyes directed at him. When he put the camera down, their eyes met and for a slight moment, Mark thought the guy recognized him. Why else would he be staring right back at him, despite all the other photographers taking pictures of him? Mark thought of smiling at the painter, but before he could do that, the painter was already averting his gaze away from him and directing it back to the crowd.

_What just happened?_ Mark stood there, watching as some of the photographers approached the painter.

“Hey, is that it?” Jackson once again managed to get his mind back from drifting. “I thought you wanted to ask some questions?”

Mark was still staring at the raven-haired who was still smiling while attending to the questions from the crowd. Looking at the last picture he has taken, where the painter’s eyes were staring directly at him, Mark sighed.

“I think I already have what I need.” He gestured for the exit. “Let’s head out.”

****

**_III_ **

There are less people tonight, Mark noticed upon entering the studio. Compared to the number of guests who attended the opening of the exhibit, there’s a smaller number of visitors now.

Mark still has his camera with him, although he has already finished editing the pictures he had taken when he went to the exhibit two nights ago. The article which included the art exhibit was set to be published that Saturday. Mark’s reason for coming here again is not work-related at all, but no one needs to know. He purposely didn’t tell his friends, all the more Jackson, about his visit today. Like he said, no one needs to know about it.

He walked around the studio, this time not looking at the portraits, but looking for the person who painted them. Mark hoped of seeing him tonight. 

That night, he thought he would be able to let it go. The raven-haired didn’t recognize him, alright. That was possible, considering they only saw each other once. Mark remembered him despite of meeting him in a single instance, but of course he can’t expect that it would be the same for the painter. He could have forgotten. Why would he even remember?

When he was browsing through the photos, he stopped at that particular one- the last shot he had taken… there was something which stirred in him while staring at it. It kept on taking him back to the moment when he first saw him. The same pair of eyes casting that kind of look at him. Why didn’t those eyes recognize him? Was that really possible?

His thoughts were disrupted when he saw him- Park Jinyoung. The raven-haired held a glass of wine in one hand, the other behind his back, as he stared at the centerpiece.

Once again, Mark tried to reason with himself as to why he decided to go back there again. He was done with his task, why was he here again? But thinking about how those eyes failed to show recognition two nights ago, Mark just wants to make sure if he was indeed forgotten. 

Taking a deep breath, Mark made his way towards the painter. He stood just one step behind where the raven-haired was standing, managing to make his presence known. But all the painter gave him was a curt nod and a polite smile. Mark can’t explain the initial disappointment he felt because of that. The painter saw him, saw his face up close. He still couldn’t recognize him? Deciding to take his chance before the painter could leave, Mark finally spoke.

“This exhibit is a success. Let me congratulate you, Mr. Park Jinyoung-ssi.” 

Mark was fully facing the painter, allowing him to show his face, still with a faint hope of getting recognized. He’s sure a single year didn’t do him much aging, and his face probably looks just like it did, the first time they met. Mark was still refusing to acknowledge the fact that the painter couldn’t recognize him at this point. 

“Thank you, Mr.…?” The painter’s brow arched as he asked for his name.

“Mark Tuan.” He supplied. “I am a photographer from _Seoul at a Glance_. I came here at the exhibit’s opening, actually.”

“Oh, you did.” The painter smiled some more, and Mark noticed how the side of his eyes wrinkled. “Is there perhaps any reason why you visited again? Maybe I could help you with it.”

Mark wasn’t able to respond immediately. He was still surprised that the painter wasn’t able to recognize him. He was yet again back to convincing himself that it’s possible. It has been a year since the operation, and they haven’t met again even once, not until now. It’s possible. Maybe that time, the raven-haired just wanted to see who the guy who received his husband’s corneas is. Maybe that time, he just wanted to know if his husband’s kind deed was well received. Maybe that is all there was to it back then for the painter. And isn’t it all there is, really? What more was Mark hoping for? _“It’s going to be okay.”_ But that voice… and how those words seem ed to pacify his worries even before he was able to see… it is more. It is something _more_ than just what appears to be.

“Mr. Tuan?”

Mark stared at the painter for a few more seconds before he came to a decision. Drawing a deep breath, he talked. “I believe I still owe you something.” He trailed off. The painter’s brows creased a bit but Mark continued. “I still haven’t thanked you for what you’ve done for me, and for what your husband has, too.”

\-----------

“Would you like something to drink?” 

_Park Jinyoung_ asked him once they sat at the mini lounge area inside the studio. Mark waved his hand and said he didn’t need anything so the painter just sat on the chair across him.

Mark was glad he came clean to the painter as to why he went to the exhibit again. Sure, the painter might have failed to recognize him before, but after what he said a while ago, the raven-haired seemed to remember him now.

“I appreciate your effort to come here but if your only reason was to thank me or my husband, well, I don’t think that much effort is necessary.” Jinyoung said with a small smile.

“I actually didn’t plan this out. After the first time I saw you, which was also the last time… I didn’t think I’d have the chance to meet you again, but my bestfriend brought me to this exhibit and that led me to find you, Mr. Park Jinyoung-ssi.”

“Just Jinyoung.” The painter said. “You can just call me Jinyoung. I couldn’t possibly be that much older than you. I’m only twenty-seven, anyway.”

Mark smiles a bit. “I’m twenty-five.” He then wonders if it’s more appropriate to call him _hyung_.

“See? Just Jinyoung will be fine. You can drop the honorifics.”

Mark just nods again. “So, as I was saying… I wasn’t able to say _thank you_ back then. I wasn’t able to express my gratitude for your kind deed. If it wasn't for you, I would not have been able to see again.”

The way Jinyoung smiled at him was somehow different. Those eyes didn’t quite match how his lips smiled. “I’m happy to be of help. I’m happy to have been able to give you that chance. And I’m sure, Seo-joon is, too.”

_Seo-joon…_ He remembers his name as well. Dr. Im has mentioned it before. That was his donor’s name, the same man who was married to the guy he’s talking with. 

Mark heaved a silent sigh. “You must miss him a lot.” This got the painter’s attention. Now, Jinyoung was staring at him. Mark looked around. “This exhibit attests to that. These portraits are all about him… these are all his eyes, right?”

He turned to look at Jinyoung again. This time, the painter was also looking around and at each portrait which were hung on the walls and panels. He saw how Jinyoung smiled, and once again, the side of his eyes wrinkled as he did. Glancing back at him, the raven-haired said, “They are now your eyes, too.”

****

****

**_IV_ **

“Yes, may I help you?” 

Mark was surprised when he was greeted by some guy after pressing the doorbell of Jinyoung’s studio. 

This guy wasn’t Jinyoung, _obviously_. The guy he’s faced with has eyes which are less round and looks more Korean than Jinyoung does. His look doesn’t resemble Jinyoung’s so he doubts that they’re related by blood. Who could this guy be? 

“Yes?” The guy asked once again after failing to get a response from him.

Mark figured that it’s not right to ask about who he is. He should introduce himself first.

“I am Mark Tuan. I came to see the painter who held his exhibit here just a week ago. I thought I’d find him here but it seems like I got the wrong idea.” He then bowed. “I’m sorry for the disturbance. I’ll go ahead.”

He was about to leave when the guy called him again. 

“Wait. If you’re looking for Park Jinyoung, you didn’t get the wrong idea. Wait here, I’ll call him.” The guy then went inside for a few seconds. 

Mark heard Jinyoung’s voice before he saw him coming out of the door. The older’s eyes showed recognition _at last_ before they showed surprise. “Mark? What brings you here?”

Behind the painter, Mark saw the guy he was talking to earlier, throwing a short but curious glance at him before making his way further inside the studio. Jinyoung must have noticed how Mark’s stare lingered on the guy who passed by behind him. The painter cleared his throat. “That guy you just met is my best friend. Anyway, back to my question. What brings you here? Weren’t you aware that last night was the last time my exhibit would be open for viewers?”

Oh, Mark was aware. It was indicated in the pamphlet which he had taken home that the exhibit will be open for only a week. He knew that it was the last time last night. But still…

Mark looked up and was met by Jinyoung’s curious eyes. Before he could even question his own intention, Mark cleared his throat. “Well… I just got off work early today and I was craving some tteokbokki. It just so happens that there’s a restaurant across your studio which sells those so, I got myself some and…” He then showed the plastic bag which contained the tteokbokki he had bought from the restaurant. “…some for you, since I thought of dropping by before driving home.”

That one was a lie, _of course_. Well, not everything, but a big part of it was. It’s true that he wanted tteokbokki, but going out of his way just to buy those is absurd. And his reason for choosing to buy it from this particular restaurant is even more absurd.

When he glanced back at the painter, Mark saw an amused smile drawing on those lips. Jinyoung put his hands in his pocket as he nodded. “And it just so happens that I like tteokbokki too.” 

Well, isn’t he a lucky guy, then?

Jinyoung nodded his head towards the inside of his studio. “Wanna go inside?” And Mark didn’t need any insisting.

Once inside, Mark saw the guy again, he meant Jinyoung’s bestfriend, standing near the fridge after getting himself a glass of water. Jinyoung got the plastic bag from his hand and walked to the kitchen to get a bowl where he can put all the tteokbokki he just bought. 

“This is Youngjae.” Jinyoung talked from the kitchen, and Mark saw how the painter nudged the guy’s elbow as he introduced him. “He’s my bestfriend.”

“Uh… hello.” Mark greeted awkwardly.

“This is Mark. He works as a photographer at this magazine and he happens to cover an article about my art exhibit.”

“Is that so?” Now the guy, _Youngjae_ offered his hand to him. “It’s nice to meet you, Mark.” 

They shook hands and smiled at each other. Mark figured that Youngjae is probably of the same age as Jinyoung. Youngjae then helped Jinyoung in preparing their snack by helping to get glasses to make some iced tea. While doing so, Youngjae talked to him. 

“I was wondering why you dropped by even if the exhibit ended last night but since you brought food…” that made him laugh. “Thank you for the food, Mark-ssi.”

“Please just call me Mark.” He told the older. “And about the food, just think of it as a very small token of thanks.”

“Well, I don’t think the token is for me since we just met today, so I suppose it’s for Jinyoung. What are you thanking him for? Is it because of the exhibit?”

Mark smiled before answering. “Not just that… I owe Jinyoung a lot.” He glanced at the painter who was staring at him, too. “Like I told him… it’s because of his good deed that I was able to see again.”

It seemed like Youngjae didn’t quite get what he just said. He could see it in the way his brows were knitted. “See… _again?_ What do you mean?”

Mark was just about to answer when Jinyoung beat him into it. “He was the one who received Seo-joon’s corneas a year ago.”

Youngjae slowly turned his head to face him. Mark couldn’t read the kind of expression he was wearing but it was quickly replaced by a smile. “I’m relieved, then. That’s good.”

They then heard the sound of the phone ringing and it was Youngjae’s. He saw him answer the call while walking further back at the kitchen. Him and Jinyoung exchanged glances until the painter called him to sit on one of the stools by the kitchen counter. 

“Let’s eat before it gets cold.” Jinyoung told him, giving him chopsticks.

Mark was on his first bite when Youngjae emerged again. “I gotta go. That man is impatient.” 

Jinyoung laughs at that. “Alright. Don’t keep your man waiting. Say hi to him for me.”

“Will do.” Youngjae nodded, got his coat before facing him. “Nice to meet you, Mark.” And then he was staring at Jinyoung again. “I’ll call.”

Jinyoung nodded and waved at his bestfriend. They both watched Youngjae as he left.

\-------

That wasn’t the last time. 

In fact, it was followed by a few and more frequent visits. That first time he stepped into the painter’s kitchen, he noticed that the guy barely stored food. Since then, Mark decided to drop by every afternoon and bring food with him whenever he did.

Out of the whole week he has been visiting, he saw Youngjae twice. The first time, he ate with them. The second time, he passed.

By the end of the week, Jinyoung asked him why he frequently visits him. Mark said he just wanted to express his gratitude. Jinyoung said he doesn’t need to do that. But Mark told him that as long as Jinyoung keeps the door open, he will drop by.

****

**_V_ **

“Are you still coming?” Jackson asked him right after he answered the Chinese’s call. 

Mark parked the car first before he replied. “I am.” He then took his seatbelt off and got out of his car. “I did tell you that I’ll be picking Jinyoung up before heading there, didn’t I?”

“Oh, right. Jinyoung-ssi.” Jackson repeated.

Even though it has been around a month since he first introduced Jinyoung to his friends when they all went out, it seemed like Jackson still wasn’t used to calling Jinyoung casually. Although the painter is only two years older than him and Jackson, the Chinese still couldn’t drop the honorifics. He always called Jinyoung by _Park Jinyoung-ssi_ or sometimes, _Jinyoung-ssi_ while Yugyeom and Bambam call the painter _hyung_.

Mark walked towards the studio’s entrance as he talked on his phone. “Right. So, I’ll just fetch him and we’ll drive there. We’ll see you all in a bit.” Then he hung up.

He pressed the doorbell and after a minute, Jinyoung opened the door and went out. “You’re here.”

Mark nodded. “Are you ready to go?” Jinyoung nodded and together, they walked back to his car.

It was just one of those usual nights when the four of them agreed to hang out. But recently, Jinyoung has been going with them. Ever since Mark started dropping by the painter’s studio _because he did keep his door open for him and let him in whenever he visit_ _ed_ , somehow, he felt like the two of them have gotten closer to each other. 

For a few weeks, it has been only the two of them, hanging out inside the studio. Mark sometimes watched Jinyoung work on his paintings, while some days, they just laze around, with Mark taking his time to rest after a full day at work. It was one Saturday last month when Jackson called him while he was still with Jinyoung and invited him to hang out with him and the boys. Mark couldn’t leave Jinyoung because he had just gotten there but he also couldn’t turn Jackson down because after all, that was how they usually spent their Saturdays- drinking until it’s morning. So, what Mark did was ask Jinyoung if he wanted to come and loosen up a bit. Luckily, Jinyoung agreed and said he in fact needed some time to unwind. Since then, for the past three Saturdays, Jinyoung has been hanging out with them.

“Alright, that is enough. I think I should drive him back to his place. He’s had enough drinking for tonight.”

Mark told his friends as he took the glass of beer from Jinyoung’s hand. He then helped the older stand up by putting his arm over his shoulder. Once they were both steady on their feet, Mark glanced at his friends again. Bambam was the most drunk among the three, but he could see that Jackson was only tipsy. He knew his best friend could still drive and that he could bring the younger ones home safely. 

“We’ll go ahead, Jacks. Drive safe, okay? Take care of these kids.”

Jackson nodded. “Drive safe, too.”

\-------

It was a ten-minute drive back to Jinyoung’s studio. Mark didn’t have too much difficulty with walking Jinyoung to his room since the painter could still walk, somehow. 

Mark was able to put Jinyoung on his bed and tuck him under the sheets. But as he was fixing Jinyoung’s head on the pillow, the painter’s eyes fluttered open. It was only then, when Mark realized that the distance between their faces is not more than a foot’s length. The sudden realization made his cheeks fluster red but Jinyoung… he was only staring at him. Mark couldn’t figure out what exactly that kind of look Jinyoung was casting on him right at that moment was. But it felt like time stood still and all he was seeing were Jinyoung’s eyes, and how his face reflected on those orbs.

“I don’t like this.” Jinyoung said in a low and almost quiet voice. His eyes were still holding his gaze, disabling him to avert his eyes from him. 

“D-don’t like what?” Mark stuttered.

“This.” Jinyoung repeated. “How staring at you makes me feel happy yet sad at the very same time.”

At that last word, Mark saw his eyes as they glistened. The light coming from outside the window was reflecting on Jinyoung’s face and somehow… it made those dark brown eyes appear to be much lonelier. 

Slowly, Jinyoung’s hand reached for his face, caressing his cheek with a very soft touch. The older’s thumb ran over the side of his eyes, “How can seeing these eyes bring me so much happiness, so much that I can also feel the pain which I didn’t know would come with it.”

Hearing this reminded Mark of what he had heard from Jinyoung while they were still at the bar. How Jinyoung kept talking about how he misses him- his husband; the same man who once owned the eyes which are letting him see this beautiful face right in front of him. 

Jinyoung’s hand already left his cheek, but Mark could still feel its warmth, as if it was imprinted on his skin. 

Mark didn’t move, he didn’t even blink. Instead, he kept his eyes on the painter who was still staring at him with that sad look. 

“I don’t want this.” Jinyoung said once more. Mark felt as if his heart had stopped and in any second, it’s gonna drop and fall, and then break into tiny pieces. 

Jinyoung shook his head. “I don’t want this… but why is it that when I look at you, it feels like I can ignore all the pain, just so I can at last be happy, too?”

**_VI_ **

“Come in, Mark.” Dr. Im said after he opened the door to his office.

Mark did as he was told, closing the door behind him and walking towards the desk where the doctor was still seated, reading what he presumes to be patients’ records.

When he finally sat, Dr. Im’s eyes seemed to scan him briefly as he asked, “There’s not much change since your visit last month. I guess I can take it as, everything has been going well? How have you been?”

It has been a year since Mark had his operation, but Dr. Im still kept in touch with him to see how he’s doing and to make sure that everything is still okay with regards to the operation that he has undergone. For the first three weeks post-operation, Mark was required to have daily consultations with Dr. Im. For the next month, he was called for consultations weekly. And for the succeeding months, he has been going to the hospital monthly. Dr. Im has told him in his previous consultation that this month is going to be his last since a whole year has already passed. After this, he can visit the hospital whenever he feels the need to.

“I’m all good, Dr. Im.” Mark responds. “Remember the article I’ve been working on last month? Well the issue was published three weeks ago. I brought a copy for you.”

The doctor accepted the magazine while smiling amusedly. “This isn’t the first issue you’ve worked on, but this is the first time you brought a copy for me, should I be flattered?”

Dr. Im put a hand on his chest and acted as if he was really touched. Mark laughed at the gesture. “You can be, but aside from that, I just really want you to see something.”

The doctor’s brow arched as Mark nodded at him, telling him to go and browse through the pages. The older glanced at him almost quizzically, before he flipped the cover over to the next page.

Mark watched as the doctor flipped page after page. “I worked on this article about the lifestyle of people here in Seoul. As for this month’s issue, the theme is arts. For two weeks, I’ve toured around the city to get the pictures I needed. And it just so happened that there was an art exhibit held in Dongdaemun.”

The doctor nodded at his sentence. Mark continued. “It’s on page 33.” He said and waited for the older to get to the right page. When he did, Mark talked again. “This is what I wanted to show you. Do you remember when I asked about the guy I saw when I first opened my eyes after my operation? The guy who I thought was your assistant but turned out to be the husband of the man who donated his corneas to me?”

Dr. Im was looking at the pictures he took and were now included in the article. When the doctor met his eyes, Mark smiled. “I saw him again. I met him again. There. At the exhibit which he held. I finally met Jinyoung again.”

For the next couple of minutes, Mark talked about what happened in the exhibit and made it clear that it was pure coincidence. Yes, he did want to meet Jinyoung again after their first encounter at the hospital, but Mark didn’t know how to make that possible. And besides, Dr. Im said that he’s good friends with the painter and that he can thank Jinyoung on his behalf. There was no reason for Mark to go to this extent just to meet Jinyoung again, but he was glad that it happened.

Mark talked about how this month went, with him spending time with the painter, which made Dr. Im ask, “You mean to say, you and Jinyoung have been spending time together lately? After that time in the exhibit, you visited him again?”

“Yes, I did.”

“Why?” The doctor asked. “Was that really necessary?”

Mark stopped for a second to think about his answer. “Well, it’s not because it was necessary. It’s because I wanted to thank him.”

“Which I already did for you, and which you already did that night at the exhibit, am I correct?”

Mark nods again. “Well, yes but-”

“Is there another reason you kept dropping by his studio and meeting with him? Huh, Mark?”

The doctor’s eyes were staring intently at him. It’s as if Dr. Im was studying his expression as he answered. Mark could only heave a sigh.

“Like I said, I just wanted to thank him.” He trailed off. “But I think getting to know him better is not that bad of an idea either.”

The look Dr. Im had was a kind which seemed to say that he got it figured out, but still hoped it wasn’t right. 

“Know him better.” Dr. Im echoed. “You just want to know him better. You want to be friends with him or something?”

“I guess.”

“You guess?” Dr. Im smirked. It felt like the doctor still had something else to say “Well, okay.” But as to why Dr. Im contented himself with saying only those next words, Mark didn’t know. The doctor then handed the magazine back to him. “This is your last monthly consultation. But if you ever feel like you need to, you can visit anytime.”

“Okay, Dr. Im. I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you.”

Dr. Im stood up and shook his hand. “See you around, Mark.”

\----------

Mark was waiting outside the studio. It has been ten minutes since he stood and waited by the studio’s entrance.

After his consultation with Dr. Im at the hospital, he met with his friends for lunch and since it was his day-off, he decided to drop by the painter’s studio. It was earlier than the usual time he paid Jinyoung a visit. That favored Mark because it meant they’ll spend a longer time together. But contrary to what he was hoping for, there was no one inside the studio. Mark tried ringing the doorbell but no one was answering so he assumed that Jinyoung was not inside. Although he wanted to call or text Jinyoung, despite hanging around the painter for more than a month, he still didn’t have his contact number saved in his phone. What a bummer, right?

Mark stayed there for a couple minutes more. It was good that those people who were walking on the sidewalk weren’t paying any attention to him. The only thing that was bugging him was the feeling of possibly having leg cramps later after standing for almost twenty minutes.

He was in the middle of scraping the edge of his shoe against the asphalt when a pair of shoes came into his sight as the person who owns them halted from walking. When Mark glanced up, he saw Youngjae who was looking at him with seemingly curious eyes. The stare didn’t last though, because Youngjae was already turning to Jinyoung who was a few steps behind.

“I didn’t know someone was waiting for you.” Youngjae told Jinyoung, flashing a brief look towards his direction once more, but kept his stare ahead after a second. “If you told me, we could’ve headed home earlier and didn’t stay there longer.”

“I didn’t know.” Jinyoung responded, and now they’re looking at each other as the painter talks. “Why didn’t you tell me you’ll drop by, Mark?”

“I didn’t know you’d be out.” Mark replied, throwing a hesitant glance at Youngjae. Looking back at Jinyoung, he went on. “I just thought of dropping by. It’s nothing important. I guess I’ll just go. See you later-”

“It can’t be _nothing_ important.” His sentence was cut off by Youngjae. The older was looking at him again. “You waited for us. I mean…” He then glanced at Jinyoung. “…you waited for Jinyoung. Whatever the reason, it can’t be just _nothing important_.”

Mark didn’t reply, neither did Jinyoung. But he guessed he didn’t need to because Youngjae was talking yet again. “I’m just gonna drop these inside and I’ll be off too.”

When Youngjae walked ahead of them, and inside the studio, he and Jinyoung were left just staring at each other until Jinyoung spoke.

“Let’s go inside?”

Indeed, after putting down the bags he was previously holding, Youngjae did leave the two of them upon saying goodbye. 

Jinyoung was emptying the bags when he asked. “Did you wait long?” Mark looked up at him. “You were outside waiting for how long?”

Mark decided to lie. “Just about five minutes, I think. I was about to leave actually, but then you guys arrived.”

Jinyoung only nodded as he folded the now empty bag neatly and put it inside one of the kitchen drawers. Mark noticed some withered flowers which Jinyoung had taken out of the bag. The painter then put those in the trash bin.

“Did you and Youngjae-ssi have plans for this afternoon? I mean… I didn’t get in the way of any of that, did I?”

Jinyoung’s forehead creased. “No. Why’d you ask?”

Mark wanted to point out how Youngjae looked a bit like he was annoyed or something, and he couldn’t help but think that it might be because of him, although he wasn’t sure why the older would be annoyed by him. Perhaps it was him being here? He wasn’t sure.

Jinyoung was still staring at him, waiting for an answer and Mark knew it’s not the best to talk about the painter’s best friend behind his back. And besides, he could be wrong. Maybe the guy was just tired. He can’t be sure. So, instead, Mark just shrugged. “I was just wondering.” He replied. “By the way, you guys went somewhere?”

Again, the painter nodded as he walked to the fridge to get the juice. He also got two glasses and poured some juice for him. While they were drinking, only then did Jinyoung answer.

“We went to visit Seo-joon.”

_Seo-joon._ It’s his husband’s name. They went to visit Jinyoung’s husband. His husband who donated his corneas to him a year ago-

“It was his death anniversary today. Youngjae was also very close to him. We paid him a visit.”

Jinyoung was pouring himself some more juice and while he was doing that, Mark could see a small smile forming on his lips. Although he wasn’t seeing his eyes, why could he already imagine how sad those eyes might be while saying those words?

Mark started to feel an emotion which he couldn’t seem to recognize clearly. All he knew was that it wasn’t the kind of feeling he enjoys getting. It wasn’t the kind which he wanted to linger. Actually, he wanted to get rid of this feeling, but he didn’t know how.

After Jinyoung took a sip from his juice, he placed the glass down and when he looked up, their eyes met. Right at that second, Mark recognized Jinyoung’s effort to make his smile look more like a happy one. Mark pretended to believe it and just smiled back.

“I just realized…” He trailed off. “You haven’t talked much about _him_ yet.” He saw Jinyoung’s brows creasing at the center as he cocked his head to the side. Mark decided to be more specific. “About Seo-joon. You haven’t talked much about him yet. All I know is that I owe my second chance of seeing to him. Aside from that, I don’t know anything about him yet.”

Jinyoung’s expression changed. It looked like he didn’t expect to hear this from him. To be honest, Mark also didn’t expect he’d say this. But here he was, trying to get Jinyoung to talk about his late husband.

“What do you want to know about Seo-joon?”

“Everything you’d want to tell.” Mark replied. “How he was as a person and how he was as a husband.” He glanced softly and almost carefully at Jinyoung. “I know you must miss him so much and I’m not trying to put salt into the wound when it’s still fresh. We’re just gonna talk about happy memories.” He gave the older a reassuring nod. “Reminiscing such parts of your past can be a good thing, too.”

And maybe that did it for Jinyoung. Finally, the painter allowed himself to recall his fond memories with his husband. And it was a nice story. No, it was even more than just _nice._ In fact, it’s lovely. One which resembles a plot of a novel or movie. Them being childhood friends along with Youngjae; spending their elementary and high school years together; dating from eleventh grade up to college; getting engaged upon graduation, and exchanging wedding vows a year after. Jinyoung also talked about how they spent their two years of a happy married life and all Mark could think of was how in love they both must have been with each other to surpass all those years together, without a single spark fading. 

“Here.” Jinyoung said as he returned to his seat by the kitchen counter, this time handing a camera to him.

Mark furrowed his brows and was about to ask what the camera was for, did Jinyoung want him to take a picture or something? But before he could ask, the painter talked again.

“Seo-joon was fond of taking pictures too. It’s a hobby he developed through the many times that we traveled during certain seasons, I think. I, too, had taken a liking for it but he was so much more interested that he actually bought his own camera just to get to do it more often.” 

Jinyoung showed him a few photos saved on the camera, a few of which are pictures of them together, but a lot more were of Jinyoung. Through the pictures that Seo-joon had taken and saved in the film, Mark could see how he loved Jinyoung.

“So, he also liked photography.” Mark commented.

“Yes, he did.” Said Jinyoung as he stared at him. “Just like you.”

And Mark didn’t know how to answer to that.

  
  


**_VII_ **

Mark downed his last shot, which was handed to him by Yugyeom. It was his fifth shot of vodka. He didn’t want to drink much because he still needed to drive. But when Jackson came back to their booth, the Chinese still had more drinks with him. Jackson gave one glass to each of them but Mark refused, saying he needed to stay sober.

“I’ll get Mark’s drink.” Jinyoung, who was sitting beside him suddenly said, reaching out to take the glass from Jackson. The Chinese was about to hand it to him but Mark intervened. 

“I don’t think you should drink more shots.” He told the older.

“Why not?”

“It’s hard to take a drunk man home.”

To this, Jinyoung just curled his lips up and contented himself with the glass that he was holding.

“By the way, Mark?” Jackson called him to get his attention. “I already told Jaehyun that you’re going tomorrow.” 

_Oh, right._ Mark thought.

“Going where with whom?” Bambam then asked, but Yugyeom was also listening. From the side of his eyes, Mark could feel that Jinyoung was already staring at him.

“I arranged a blind date for Mark.”

“I told you to not use that term.” He retorted, to which Jackson just laughed.

“Okay, just a date then.”

“A date?” Yugyeom echoed. “Since when have you decided to start dating again, hyung?” 

Mark doesn’t know why Jackson felt the need to answer on his behalf. “Since last week. But _finally_ , he’s getting some sense into his brain. This guy hasn’t dated anyone since… well after what happened. I’m just glad that he’s finally getting onto his feet again in the dating scene.”

Yugyeom and Bambam expressed their approval too, that he should indeed start dating again. But until the conversation shifted to a different topic, Mark could feel the lingering stare coming from his side where the painter was seated.

It was during the car ride, when they were almost near Jinyoung’s place when the painter talked about it again.

“So, you’re going out tomorrow.” Mark couldn’t really tell if that was a question, or just a statement. But when he met Jinyoung’s eyes through the rearview mirror, Mark just decided to nod. “That means you won’t drop by the studio?”

“Yeah. I’m afraid not.” Mark answered, glancing into the mirror every other second. Jinyoung kept his eyes there, not saying anything, so Mark asked. “Why do you ask?”

The painter shrugged and then averted his eyes as he replied. “Just because.” 

Mark decided to let it go as he parked his car in front of Jinyoung’s studio. He turned to face the painter who was now taking his seatbelt off. Regarding him with a quick glance, Jinyoung spoke. “Thank you for the ride and good luck with your date.”

The painter leaves the car after saying that.

Mark didn’t need any good luck wishes. But he disliked it even more, coming from Jinyoung.

\-----------

Mark hated this feeling. 

He was in this restaurant, and as it was arranged by Jackson, he was here with Jaehyun. The guy was someone Jackson knew way back in college. His best friend said that the guy was interested in him even a few years back, and now that they reconnected again, has expressed his interest in him and was thrilled by the news of Mark still being single.

As planned, they met in the restaurant and were eating the food they ordered for dinner. They spent the first hour talking about college days, with Jaehyun confirming what Jackson has said about the guy liking him way back. They then talked about what happened after graduation. Jaehyun was aware of the accident and that he had been blind for two years since Jackson had done the courtesy of filling him in with said information. Jaehyun then said that he’s glad that Mark has been given another chance to see, and himself a chance to meet Mark once again.

But like he said, he hated this feeling- this feeling of wanting to be somewhere else and being with someone else right at this moment.

Mark felt bad for Jaehyun because he could see how interested the guy was in him. But what could he do? His mind was drifting off somewhere, and to someone.

But Mark didn’t expect to receive a call from that someone.

It was just a short one, as if the person misdialed his number. As soon as he read his name on the screen, Mark’s hand froze, until the call ended without reaching him. 

“Was that someone important?” Jaehyun asked, probably noticing his reaction to the missed call. “Why didn’t you answer?”

Why didn’t he? Mark wondered. But instead of responding, he just shrugged. “I can deal with it later. Where were we?”

Mark did try to get back to his conversation with Jaehyun. He didn’t want to appear impolite and rude to the guy. When his phone rang again however, Mark couldn’t help but tell Jaehyun.

“Okay, I’m sorry but… maybe this is something important.”

“Oh. Okay.”

Mark wiped his mouth with a napkin. They were already done eating anyway and were just drinking wine. “It was nice seeing you again, Jaehyun. But I’m sorry that our time needs to be cut short. Let me just drive you to your place.”

Jaehyun wiped his mouth too, before answering. “No need. I brought my car too.”

“Oh, alright. So, I’ll head off then.”

Jaehyun nodded and waved at him. “Okay. Drive safe.”

Mark felt a bit bad. But he also couldn’t deny the rush he was feeling as he got into his car and drove to the painter’s studio. As to why Jinyoung has decided to try and call him twice, that’s what he wanted to know.

\------------

When he reached the studio, he rang the doorbell and after a minute, Jinyoung opened the door for him.

What Mark saw in his eyes was surprise. Jinyoung probably didn’t expect that he’d ditch his date just to go and see him, but well, he just did.

“I thought you were on a date?” Jinyoung asked.

Mark could almost smile. _See? He knows._ But why did he try calling him when he knew that he was on a date?

“It ended early.” Mark chose to answer. “Can I come in?”

Jinyoung then opened the door wider to let him walk inside. When he did, the painter closed the door behind them and led him towards the room.

“You have probably eaten dinner already. But, do you want to drink something?”

Mark sat on the couch and watched Jinyoung walk towards the kitchen to get something from the fridge. He then answered. “I saw that you keep a bottle of wine in the fridge. If it’s still there, we could drink that.”

After more than an hour of drinking, Mark lost track of their conversation and now he wasn’t sure how they got to this point and how Jinyoung ended up asking him about how he felt that day– that day when he opened his eyes which belonged to Seo-joon once.

“I was scared.” Mark says. “It felt like it’s been so long since I haven’t seen light. Even the act of opening my eyes scared me. I was scared of hoping, and then realizing that there’s nothing but darkness again.”

He looked up and met with the painter’s eyes. They really were his favorite shade of brown. And the warm gaze they were holding only added more to the feelings he had as he stared at those orbs.

“But then I heard someone say that it’s going to be okay, and it was a voice which I’ve never heard before. When I opened my eyes, the first person I saw was you.” Jinyoung didn’t say anything so Mark went on. “Let me tell you something you probably didn’t know. While I still had my eyes closed, hearing your voice when you said that everything is going to be okay, that was enough to pacify my worries. Suddenly, I was not scared anymore. And when I opened my eyes and saw you, although I didn’t have any idea who you were and why you were there… I was just glad that you were.” 

A few seconds passed with just them staring at each other, not one word was said between them until Mark averted his gaze and sighed. “You probably don’t remember that day as much as I do, but I don’t think I could ever forget that moment.”

He smiled at the painter who still was doing nothing but staring at him. Mark couldn’t read his expression, but it almost seemed like Jinyoung was thinking hard. After a short while, Jinyoung did talk.

“Let me tell you something as well which you probably didn’t know.” The painter said, catching his eyes once again. “That kind of memory which you have of our first meeting, it’s not something one would easily forget. And I didn’t.”

Does this mean that he remembered him? Jinyoung recognized him? Mark saw a small smile forming on Jinyoung’s lips as he continued. “And that night… when you came here during the opening of my art exhibit, I was not expecting to see you again, but I was glad that I did.”

Mark felt his brows as they furrowed because of what he was hearing from Jinyoung. But the painter wasn’t done yet. “That night, I wasn’t expecting to see you again after that first encounter. But then a night after, I saw you again and you finally introduced yourself which again, I did not expect you’d do. Yet again you came back the next day, I was even more surprised. And I just can’t seem to understand why you went out of your way just to see me again.”

“Me neither.” Mark says, not breaking stares from the painter. At this moment, it really felt like they were all alone in their own space. “At first, I said it was because I was thankful and true, I was. I really am. But I felt like there was something more to it than just that. And before… I didn’t understand why it felt like that. But now…” Slowly, Mark leaned in a bit closer. “…I think I finally do.”

It was a swift motion, with Mark closing the distance between their faces, letting their lips touch. There was an overflowing mixture of emotions, leaving Mark asking how long has it been since he last felt this. Has he ever felt like this before? Wouldn’t this be the first time?

But before he could have the time to figure out the answer to his questions, Mark felt a hand on his chest, pushing him away slightly to draw distance in between them again. Mark opened his eyes and was met with Jinyoung’s wide ones.

He was still trying to read the older’s eyes when Jinyoung averted his gaze from him. At that last second, Mark could’ve sworn he saw fear and it made his heart sink.

“Jinyoung, I-”

“I suddenly feel dizzy. I shouldn’t have drunk much.” Jinyoung shook his head and started standing up from his seat.

Mark’s mind was in panic. He wanted to reach for his hand, but he was scared to do that now. When the painter stood up, he threw a short glance at him. “You can walk yourself out, right? Just lock the door before closing it when you leave. Good night, Mark.”

That was the last thing he heard from Jinyoung and it has been a full week after that night.

Since that night, Jinyoung has been avoiding him and it was damn obvious. Jinyoung even skipped their hangout last night which had his friends asking why. Mark just said the painter might be too busy to go out.

But now, when Jackson mentioned the painter, Mark finally decided to tell his best friend about what happened, and about his newly realized feelings as well.

“I had a hunch about this already.”

“A hunch?”

“Yeah.” Jackson nodded while they were drinking canned beers. “That is why I thought of setting you up with Jaehyun. I was thinking maybe it could still be helped but I guess….?”

“It can’t.” Mark answered, finishing Jackson’s sentence, as he took another swig of his beer.

All Jackson did was pat his back. “If it’s not that deep yet, might as well end it here and now.”

Mark looked up at the Chinese.

“I’m just saying.” Jackson continued. “It’s hard to love someone who is still holding onto someone else, much more a memory.”

\--------

He should’ve listened to Jackson. Mark knows he probably should have done that, rather than to drive to Jinyoung’s studio at 1 o’clock in the morning.

He rang the doorbell for the third time as he struggled to stand on his feet without falling over. Mark just leaned on the wall while waiting for Jinyoung to open the door. It was maybe on the fourth ring when the door finally opened and Mark was able to see Jinyoung.

The painter was wearing a white shirt and sweatpants. It looked like the older had just woken up from sleep. He must’ve disturbed his sleep but Mark is too drunk to care. 

“Mark?” The painter mumbled. “W-what are you-” He then glanced at the clock. “It’s past midnight. What are you doing here?”

Mark contemplated on what he should answer. Why did he even decide on coming here at this hour? Jackson was still at his place after passing out. Mark is drunk too. Why didn’t he just rest and let the night pass and go to Jinyoung when he’s sober enough to talk?

But as Mark stared at Jinyoung’s sleepy eyes, this was the only answer he could give. “I wanted to see you.”

Jinyoung’s eyes registered surprise from his response. “What the- are you serious? You should just head back home okay?”

“No.”

“No?”

“No.” Mark said firmly. “You’ve been avoiding me for a week now. During those days, I wasn’t able to see you and I know that if I let this night pass, you’re just gonna avoid me even more, and I might just lose the will to try and make you talk to me.”

“Mark, just-”

“Just tell me what I did wrong.” He finally asked. “Is it because of the kiss? Are you mad because I kissed you?”

“Mark-”

“Cause if you are... then I’m sorry.” A sigh escaped from Jinyoung’s lips but Mark went on with what he was saying. “I’m sorry but I can’t apologize for what I did.”

This time, Jinyoung was looking back at him. “Mark, we can talk about it some other time-”

“I need to tell you this now.” Mark insisted. “If you won’t listen to me now, then I don’t think you will listen to me anytime soon and I can’t hold this in for much longer.” He reached for the painter’s hands. “Just please hear what I’ve got to say, then I will listen and accept your answer.”

I took a few seconds before Jinyoung finally gave in. Opening the door wider, he let him walk inside so Mark did. He then followed the older upstairs and into the kitchen. When they were both sitting on the couch, Mark took in consecutive breaths before willing himself to speak.

He has spent quite some time figuring out what he is feeling towards the older. But this is the simplest way to put it. “I’m in love with you, Jinyoung.”

Jinyoung opened his mouth as if wanting to say something but then chose to bite his lips and hold his words in. Mark took this as his cue to finish off the rest of his words.

“I can’t exactly explain how it happened. I just know that I am.” Upon saying this, Mark saw how Jinyoung’s gaze softened. “When I think back, to that day… when I opened my eyes again and saw you for the first time… I can’t seem to forget even a tiny bit of that moment. From the sound of your voice, to the look in your eyes. All of those made it impossible for me to stop wondering about you. Heck, I didn’t know who you were back then but my mind still refused to let go of that memory. Seeing you again after a year, only confirmed what I was feeling back then. Although I know it’s absurd to just show up at your front door, I did that just to get a chance of stepping into your life at the very least. I wanted to know you more and be with you more.”

Mark took in another deep breath to somehow calm his breathing. “I know that you loved him so much and that you probably still do. I am not asking you to forget him and look at me, and love me just as much as you loved him. But that night, when you got drunk… you told me that even if it brings you pain, looking at me makes you want to ignore all of it and just let yourself be happy, too.” He reached for the older’s hands and caressed them gently. “If I can make you happy at the very least, please allow me to do that, Jinyoung. Please… let me love you.”

That moment, Jinyoung’s eyes glistened with tears. When a single tear rolled down his cheek, Mark reached out to wipe it away. Jinyoung locked eyes with him while leaning into his touch and before he knew it, the older was leaning in closer, meeting his lips with his own.

**_VIII_ **

Mark felt the sunlight hitting his face but he refused to open his eyes just yet. But then, he felt a shadow casting over him, blocking the sunlight. When he squinted his eyes open, he was met by his favorite pair of eyes, gazing at him.

“Good morning.” The painter said, smiling.

Mark could see that Jinyoung still didn’t have his shirt on. Well, that makes the two of them. Last night was the best night of his life. Mark really didn’t expect how the events turned out but he was glad. He could still feel how soft Jinyoung’s touches were while he was moving inside of him last night. He took care of Jinyoung just like the older took care of him.

“Uh… good morning.” 

Mark wasn’t sure why he felt shy. They just did it last night. Why was he acting coy? But seeing Jinyoung’s even wider smile eased him.

“What do you want for breakfast?” Jinyoung asked him.

“Breakfast?”

“Yes, breakfast.” The older replied. “I’m going to cook.”

Mark still couldn’t fully grasp the situation. He couldn’t digest the fact that they made love last night and they were acting all domestic this morning. But he isn’t complaining.

“Uh… well… anything, I guess?”

Jinyoung smirked before saying _okay_ and kissing his lips. It was so fast that he wasn’t able to react and just watched as Jinyoung put on his shirt and pants before going out of the bedroom.

After about a minute, Mark came to his senses and looked for his shirt too. He put it on and got up from bed to go to the bathroom. 

He was drying his hair with a towel after washing it briefly when he got out of the bathroom. He was about to look for a brush or comb in Jinyoung’s drawer when he saw the camera that Jinyoung once showed him. He stopped for a second before reaching out to take the camera and browse through the saved photos.

When he saw the last photo of Jinyoung and Seo-joon, he noticed that the date was 09/20/17. The last photo was taken three years ago. After that, there were no photos which followed. Mark wondered why. Did Seo-joon stop taking photos? But Jinyoung mentioned how his husband grew fond of taking pictures.

He then heard a familiar voice coming from the living room and Mark recognized that it was Youngjae’s.

Mark put the camera back inside the drawer and closed it before leaving the room. When he reached the kitchen, he heard Youngjae talking to Jinyoung. “Why does it seem like you’re cooking for two people? Did you know I was gonna drop by?”

Just in time, he met Youngjae’s eyes. The older looked surprised to see him but as his eyes moved from his head to toe, his expression changed. He saw how Youngjae glanced at Jinyoung before shaking his head and scoffing. Mark wasn’t sure how to take that reaction but he stayed quiet while the three of them ate breakfast.

It seemed like Youngjae intended to stay and since Mark felt awkward, he told Jinyoung that he’s gonna head back to his place. “I’ll call.” He even whispered, to which the painter nodded.

Mark waved at Youngjae too which the older returned with a nod, before he made his way downstairs. He was already about to open the door when he recalled that he left his jacket upstairs. Hissing, he marched back but as he reached the second floor, he heard Youngjae and Jinyoung talking, more like arguing.

“What does that mean, huh Jinyoung?” Youngjae demanded. “Am I getting the right idea here? You just… that guy just spent the night here. You slept with him.”

“Jae, it’s not-”

“It’s not what?” This time Youngjae’s voice was louder. “Can you please enlighten me here? About what you’re doing.”

“I’m not doing anything wrong.”

“Aren’t you?” 

Mark stayed still and hidden, but kept on listening to their conversation. 

“When you told me about your plan of giving Seo-joon’s corneas to someone, I was surprised. I didn’t expect that since I knew how much you didn’t want to let him go even though he hasn’t woken up from a coma for two years.”

_Coma? Two years?_

“But I was glad that finally, you were choosing to let go. I was glad because finally, you were choosing to get on with your life. That is what I want for you, Jinyoung. I don’t want you to trap yourself in the past forever just because that accident happened. But when I learned to whom you are planning to give his corneas to… I just couldn’t understand why… of all people you could’ve given his corneas to, why him?”

“Youngjae. It’s not like that. Whatever it is you’re thinking… trust me, it’s not like that.”

“I want to believe you too. But it took you two years to let go of Seo-joon. And all it took was for you to meet him- the guy who was involved in the accident too.”

“No. It’s not like that!”

“How can you expect me to not think of it that way? You refused to remove the life support from Seo-joon although the doctors said that there’s almost zero chance of him waking up again. But when Jaebeom mentioned that he has been treating the guy who Seo-joon was with during the accident… you suddenly considered and even decided to give his corneas to him. I can’t help but think that you only did that because you wanted to see Seo-joon in the eyes of someone who could’ve been him, someone who should’ve been Seo-joon if he was the one who survived instead.”

Mark almost gasped at what he heard. Was this all true? Suddenly his mind went back to the accident two years ago. The man who died in the car which crashed into his own that night…. It was Seo-joon?

Maybe he was lost in his own thoughts, that is why Mark didn’t hear their footsteps when Youngjae walked towards the door with Jinyoung following right behind him.

It was Youngjae who saw him first, before Jinyoung noticed him too. The painter’s eyes went huge before he stepped closer in the attempt to reach for his hand.

“I just-”

“Mark, please-”

But he shut his eyes tight. “I was just about to leave.” He said and walked away without turning his head back even though Jinyoung was calling after him. 

When he heard his footsteps, Mark walked even faster and almost ran until he reached the sidewalk. Luckily, he saw a taxi and was able to get inside it before Jinyoung could catch him.

As the taxi drove off, Mark’s mind started to make its own chaos.

  
  


**_IX_ **

Mark drove fast. 

He has just been at the hospital for his consultation with Jaebeom. It was just the usual, although Mark felt awkward because Jaebeom was still a friend of Jinyoung.

_Jinyoung_. It’s been two weeks since the day when he learned about the truth. And since then, never did he have the courage to face Jinyoung again. Among his friends, only Jackson had an idea why he was avoiding Jinyoung, but even his best friend didn’t know the whole story. Mark wasn’t ready to talk about it yet.

But a while ago, when the consultation was about to end, Jaebeom suddenly mentioned Jinyoung. The doctor said the Jinyoung has been distant lately, and it was only yesterday when his boyfriend- _Youngjae_ was able to talk with the painter. Mark didn’t say anything, until Jaebeom handed him a folded piece of paper. “It’s from Jinyoung.” He said. Mark hesitated on taking it but took it in the end anyway.

And now, he’s rushing to meet him.

For he wants to hear these words Jinyoung has written, from the painter’s own lips.

> * * *
> 
> _I am sorry, Mark, I failed on telling you the truth. I’m sorry. But please believe me when I say that it was never your fault. The accident was not Seo-joon’s fault and neither_ _was it_ _yours. It’s true that at first, I considered giving his corneas to you, just so I c_ _ould_ _somehow see a fragment of him living through you… through your eyes. But that day, when I saw you open your eyes, that helped me let go. When I looked at you, it wasn’t Seo-joon who I saw, but you. And that helped me move on. Seeing you, smiling through those eyes made me certain that I could let Seo-joon go and that it’s about time that I do. So please, stop thinking that I’m only seeing Seo-joon in you. It’s you who I see when I look at you._
> 
> * * *

Mark took his seatbelt off quickly and made his way out of the car and rushed to reach the door of Jinyoung’s studio. He rang the doorbell but no one was answering. Not until the third time.

Mark held his breath as he waited for Jinyoung to open the door but when it did open, there was no Jinyoung, only Youngjae. Mark’s shoulders went down, but he still asked.

“Is Jinyoung here?”

Youngjae pursed his lips and he heard him sigh. “He already left.” 

“He left? To where?”

“To France.” 

Mark didn’t expect that. He really thought he’d be able to see Jinyoung and talk to him about everything else which they have failed to talk about. But according to Youngjae, the painter left to continue his studies about arts. “He said he needs it.” Youngjae added and Mark ought to understand that it wasn’t just the studies he’s pertaining to, but moreover, the time and distance.

Mark felt down. He read what Jinyoung has written but he would love to hear it from Jinyoung, and maybe ask him this question, _did he ever love him?_

  
  


**_X_ **

“Are you going or not?” Jackson asked him again.

The Chinese informed him about this art exhibit that will be held in Dongdaemun. According to _Irene_ , the curator chick Jackson has previously cheated on but is now dating again for eight months, there will be an exhibit about Arts around the globe. Since for this month’s issue the theme is Arts again, this is useful information.

“I will. I already told you last night.”

Jackson answers over the phone. “Okay, we’ll be waiting for you there. Just text me when you arrive.

It took thirty minutes for Mark to reach the place because of traffic. He met up with Jackson and Irene but separated from them since he needed to do his task of taking pictures.

Mark was walking on this aisle when his attention was caught by a certain art piece.

It’s a painting of an eye. Something in it drew him closer so he walked near to it and took a picture of it. As he stared at it, his heart skipped upon recognizing the artwork.

He has seen this before…

And it was in Jinyoung’s exhibit.

This was Jinyoung’s work!

He looked around and saw that in that particular aisle were all of Jinyoung’s paintings, he presumes. Holding his camera tight to ease his nervousness, he walked along the aisle.

As he stared at each painting and took a picture of each work, Mark noticed something.

From just eyes… there were strokes added, and some lines and curves. From just eyes, there came brows, then the nose, then the cheek... and then the chin.

Mark could swear his heart was beating slowly but loudly and heavily at each painting he saw and took a picture of.

By the last one, he finally saw the whole face of the man in the painting.

He can’t explain how he felt when he recognized that those eyes… which were once Seo-joon’s… 

are now his.

He could only stare at his own face which is painted on the large white canvas. His mind was full of questions. But the single mention of his name almost made his heart stop beating.

“Mark?”

_One…_

_Two…_

_Three…_

When Mark turned, he was met with the pair of dark brown eyes which he has missed staring at. 

It’s been a year since he last saw him.

It’s been a year since he left him hanging with one question in mind.

  
Mark didn’t think he’d be getting his answer now.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for this wonderful prompt. I hope the story I’ve come up with did the prompt some justice. It's just... this is what I immediately thought of upon reading the prompt. 
> 
> Anyway, this is the longest one shot I’ve written. I hope it didn’t bore you or made you want to sleep by the time the story reached its half. THANK YOU for reading!!! :))) <3
> 
> to my beta reader... Juliaaaa (@mj_waffles) thank you so much! *sends hugs and kisses* 
> 
> And to the fest's organizers... thank you for being patient and considerate although I submitted this late. Looking forward to the next season! <3


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